Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Paula and Pip’s Adventures in the Corn Maze
Paula sighed contentedly as she maneuvered around haystack after haystack, trudging along until she arrived at the entrance of Beach Tree’s famous corn maze. She’d heard about how tricky and spooky the maze was in the local newspaper, and thought it would be a fun thing to do the night before Halloween. Earlier that week, Paula had called up her friend Pip to see if she wanted to come along. Pip had hesitated at first, asking Paula if she knew of any diseases that could be contracted from corn stalks or mud. Paula had of course laughed and said no. Pip had agreed as long as Paula promised to bring sanitizing lotion and spray. Paula grinned as she remembered the time last summer when Pip covered herself from head to toe with an ultra strength bug spray. She’d hoped of saving herself from what she called, “Those vicious Manhattan bugs!” Sadly, instead of detracting a mosquito here or there, every mosquito and insect imaginable couldn’t get enough of poor Pip and her sugary lotion.
Paula pushed away the thought, giggling as Pip walked up to her, wearing a ridiculous neon wet suit, complete with rain boots and a beekeeper’s hat.
“You’ve got to be joking!” Paula guffawed at Pip’s ludicrous outfit, but afraid of offending her, she added, “No offense or anything Pip, but I mean come on, don’t you think that’s a little bit over the top?”
Pip ignored her question, and stated simply, “You can never be too careful, there are thousands and thousands of germs and insects in that cornfield just waiting to infect us. I myself am not taking that chance.” She sniffed in a very dignified manner, and attempted to push up her glasses underneath the beekeeper’s hat. Unsuccessful, she crossed her arms and huffed out, “Well, are we ready to go?”
Paula nodded yes, and they headed hastily into the shadowy cornstalks.
About twenty minutes into the maze, Paula noticed two sets of footprints in front of them leading off into the distance. She stopped abruptly, trying to come up with an explanation. Paula thought back to the newspaper, which had specifically reported that the farm smoothed over the mud in the maze before each new group entered, making it harder to find the way out. Trying to keep calm, she simply told herself that they had forgotten to smooth out the mud. She reassured Pip that everything was fine, and they continued their trek through the mud.
A few moments later, Pip pointed out that there were four pairs of footprints in front of them. Paula couldn’t help but start to panic. Maybe the farm had hired actors to jump out and scare people, as a new edition to the maze. Or maybe we’re following someone… Or then again, maybe someone is following us! Paula attempted to laugh it off, trying to give Pip a supportive look. But to her disappointment, Pip’s already huge blue eyes had expanded to their full volume. She looked about ready to dig a hole in the ground with her bare hands, and live there happily forever.
“Paula, um, I… I’m scared! I don’t… Don’t… I don’t think I can do this!” Pip said through her now viciously chattering teeth.
Before Paula could respond, Pip whipped out her cell phone and dialed the farm’s number, telling them to evacuate her from the maze immediately!
As Paula watched her friend being driven out of the maze, she couldn’t help but long to go with her. Biting her lip, Paula pushed on, telling herself she would finish the maze whether she liked it or not.
Paula continued walking for another ten minutes before stopping, frustrated that she wasn’t getting anywhere. She jumped when she heard a laugh above her, and looked up to see Chris, one of the tenants in her apartment duplex.
“What’s so funny?” She demanded, looking up haughtily at Chris.
“You.” He grinned down at her.
“What about me do you find so amusing?”
“I don’t know, I guess it’s the fact you’ve been going round and round in circles for the past twenty minutes or so. Not to mention that you and your friend got spooked about your own footprints, that was just classic.”
“Those were our footprints?” She asked incredulously.
“Yep. It was pretty funny watching your friend hyperventilate on the way back to the farm.”
Paula sighed in disbelief and extreme exhaustion, finally asking the dreaded question. “Chris?”
He looked at her questioningly, and asked, “What?”
“Can you see the way out of this black whole from up there?”
“Maybe.” He smiled sweetly.
“Mind sharing?” Returning his sugary smile.
“I’ll only tell you if you promise to make me honey toast for breakfast for the next week.”
She groaned inwardly, so tired she didn’t care, and said, “OK, deal.” Paula watched as Chris jumped down from the tree onto the ground, and walked smugly ahead of her as she followed. It wasn’t long before they came out into the open, finally out of the wet icky maze. She wiped her arm against her forehead, clearing the sweat from her eyes.
“Don’t I get something else?” Chris asked, offended.
“Something that rhymes with ha choo?”
Begrudgingly, Paula thanked Chris, and without further ado headed off to her car, where she was greeted by a torrent of complaints, showered upon her by the more than cheerful Pip.
“I am NEVER doing that again!”
“Ok, we’re never doing that again Pip, alright? I messed up and…” She was cut of as another complaint was thrown sharply at her,
“Not to mention I have a mosquito bite! A mosquito bite! Do you have ANY IDEA how many diseases a mosquito carries?”
“No Pip, I don’t…”
“A LOT! That’s how many! You’re lucky I didn’t get two! Oh, and did I tell you how rude the guy that drove me out of the maze was? The entire time he was trying to crack these awful jokes about farming, not to MENTION what he said…”
Paula cut Pip off as she turned on the radio full volume, trying to zone out the continuous stream of noise that flowed unhindered from Pip’s oh-so-happy mouth.